Underneath every busy mind, low self worth lurks. Busy, too busy is how we extract our identity from what we do.
When our self worth is rotten low, we go to motivational situations in order to cover up that low self worth, hoping nobody will ever see it. So, what do people fear – they fear relaxation.
I built my three biggest busyness’s out of fear. I won hundreds of rowing medals out of fear. I built a marriage out of it, and wealth and homes.
Pascal said “All human disaster comes back to the inability of human beings to sit quietly in a room by themselves”
He’s nailed it.. and with this knowledge, the iPod, iPhone, ican’turnoff, ican’tstop, and the icanpoo industry has thrived.
I sat with a family once where the father loved his children so much, but the whole time we were there, from evening till night, he talked about everything other than what the kids wanted to hear. In the morning we went for a walk and while walking in the nearby forest, he talked about the share market.
This guy was heading at 100 mph toward a divorce, but his ego, so ENGAGED in his work, didn’t see it. The divorce cost him millions$.
But the clever people are able to play games with people and avoid the divorce. Those clever ones end up at the most expensive seminar on earth… Do you know what it is?
A hospital Bed
Nature evolves each human on earth at the border of support and challenge. Some people sustain the challenge because that’s where their identity feels great, and then, when it’s time for support they go to inactivity or sloth… watch TV or sit around talking… this is not support.
Imagine what happens when you end up in a hospital bed. They drug you, put drips in your arms, replace your lungs, brain, heart or kidneys with new ones and then send you home to convalesce.
That’s support in nature’s hands.
First she immobilises you. Second she actively rejuvenates your organic process. Third she beds it in with a period of low activity, recovery.
So, do you really need a hospital bed to remind you?
The Most expensive Life Coach in the World is a Doctor… A doctor charges $100 for 10 minutes. I wish I could charge that amount. And I wish there were pills I could dispense for fear and greed.
But there are not. (at least legal ones)…
Going home to a family for support is parasitic. It means you demand that you are not challenged at home. That means your partner can’t be his or her balanced self, because you’ve had your fill of challenge at work and are home for support. That’s ridiculous.
Support means recovery. If you walk in the door with less energy than you left with, then you are coming home for recovery. Now, if you are single then fine, come home to a house without people and you will recover. But if you are double or triple or more, your house is a loving space and support and challenge must exist there already.
If you are so low self worth that you can’t stop and balance your day with recovery, I understand it because I was there for 30 years. It’s not easy. Especially when the feedback from making more money, running another meter faster or feeding the babies makes you feel some self worth.
But if you want to live and love sustainably you need to base your model of life on a different paradigm because in 2011, that old modeling of work life balance doesn’t work. It’s self sabotage.. and that’s what low self worth leads to, always. Nature guarantees it.
1. Try to get an hour of work challenge with 5 minutes of recovery time. (if you don’t get too far out of balance, (support and challenge) you don’t need big chunks of recovery.
2. Don’t share with others when you are in recovery or challenge time. Most people are 99% in support and 1% challenged so you, being of low self worth and high challenge attraction must recognise you have special recovery needs that make you unique and a leader.
3. Deal with the low self worth issue. This is not easy because those habits are ingrained in your subconscious. That’s why you are so attached to results, performance, profit, wealth and trophies.
4. Understand what Support (recovery looks like) – to give you just a small insight into this I’ve listed a bunch of support exercises I use and teach:
- Organise… disorganised is chaos, chaos is challenge. Organise the desk, your mind, your week, your business, your life. Organise means put order into chaos. Organise means helicopter approach, to step away and see patterns, understand things. You do not organise things by thinking about them. You organise by detachment and patterns of understanding.
- Supervise…. Once organised, see if you can apply the principle of “walk the talk” if you really have managed to put order into chaos, you will automatically do more in less time. So, if for example, it took you three hours a day to do your expense report, but now you say, “I see order in chaos,” it should now take 2 hours. That’s walk the talk… seeing patterns, then using patterns and understandings to EVOLVE your process.
- Deputise… there’s an old fashioned word – delegate.. but that’s antique. Now, we deputise and by deputise we include the option of sytematisation. In other words how can we, once we’ve evolved a process, automate therefore eliminate manpower. Delegate means, hand it to someone. Deputise means, systematise it so that the task vanishes because it’s been automated. This is critical.
- Exercise… If your brain is working all day, and you don’t give it a break you are going to come home stuck in your head. NO HEART. You need two forms of Exercise during the day. One a brain clearing exercise (we teach this four column and eight column process) and you need blood pumping heart opening laughter producing, joy causing exercise. This is not Bloody boring OM producing yoga or some dull thing, it’s a Frisbee, a surfboard, a kayak, a run, a tennis ball on the wall…. one hour a day where you get humbled by nature.. that’s it, no excuse, you can’t stay self righteous, self protected and self important all day. You need humility because humility is how you recover. (refer hospital bed).
- Brain drain… if you come home running the same script that makes you a hero in the office, then you can kiss your family’s health and happiness goodbye. Brain drain means, expectations. If you’re the driven hyper busy ambitius and inflexible leader at work you need to honour it as work but bringing that to a relationship is cruel, ugly, mean and short term. Relationships thrive on the opposite (refer Sacred Love Book)
- Finally, there’s a few spontaneous pressure relief valves that you need to know:
- Brain Empty… I need nothing want nothing and therefore I have everything.
- Back up….. Sit tall, lengthen your neck, (a shrunk neck, turtle neck is aging)
- Breathe right… Get the Pranayama Iphone app…
- Drink water.. each coffee needs 1 litre of water to balance it
- Know people…… and this is where the gold mine is….. more about this tomorrow…